Julia Does Boston Differently

While searching for my blog recently, Kate typed in "juliadoesboston.blogspot.com" and up popped this blog. After a minute of freaking out about what happened to my mom, she realized it was not in fact my blog but another Julia who lives in Boston and whose mom died of lung cancer. I checked out her blog after Kate told me this and wrote her an email about what had happened and that I was thinking about her and her loss (my dad died of lung cancer). She wrote me back a nice note and asked if I wanted to run a marathon with "Team Lung Love".

As I read her blog, I realized that she had done a lot to honor and remember her mother, and it made me realize that although I think about my dad often and have wanted to do something to remember him for his 60th birthday or the 10th anniversary of his death, those dates came and went without more from me than a phone call to my mom to see how she was doing. Why is it that the other Julia feels so called to action by her mom's death? Is it different personalities? Different reactions to death? Different ways to remember/honor our parent?

Partly I never really felt particularly compelled to do any one thing for what would have been my dad's 60th birthday or the 5th or 10th anniversary of his death. What would he have done for his birthday? I'm not really sure. He wasn't a big participator in any club or group or church. He coached my brother's baseball teams sometimes when we were kids. He liked to work and putter around in his shop down in the basement. That's how I think of him. And music. Between him and my brother they have shaped my own musical taste.

And although his name is on a plaque on the memorial wall outside my grandmother's church in Austin, I don't feel like there is one place to go visit him. Lots of events and places make me think of him though -

- anything to do with the lake house we shared with the Jones' when we were growing up - he put so much work into that place that I can't see pictures of it without thinking of him.
- certain songs that he loved to listen to - he always played Willie Nelson's On the Road Again when we were on road trips and were starting again after stopping to eat or to sleep. You are my sunshine. For the longest time, just hearing that song would make me cry.
- when anyone else's parent dies - it brings it all back again and often makes me sad for that person to know what they're going through and the pain of losing a parent before they got to experience the joy of seeing you get married or become a grandparent.

So I guess everyone deals with loss differently. I miss my dad and feel like I honor him by thinking about him and remembering him for the great dad and great person that he was. But maybe I will run/walk/bike/swim something in his honor some day soon just to remind others.